Guide to Making Amends in Addiction Recovery: Step 9 of AA

Guide to Making Amends in Addiction Recovery: Step 9 of AA

I don’t punish them with silence (although I did do that in the past). After years of being bossy and overbearing, my basic apologies meant little. They don’t always see my hands off approach as sincere kindness, but my motives are pure. He tells Access Hollywood’s living amends Zuri Hall his amazing story of survival. Guilt for our wrongs can be one of the most deceptive recovery demons to bear because it damages us from the inside, where it happily hides. Get rid of that guilt; apologize, make your amends and let go of them.

Why Making Amends Can Be Difficult

• If you’re on the fence about Step 9, remember that making amends can help you and the other person.
• With these kinds of promises, there may not be enough genuine intention of changing their hurtful patterns and behaviors.
• There is no denying that taking step nine takes tremendous courage.
• On the flipside of the same AA coin, it is equally important that you don’t procrastinate making amends.

As we become filled with love, we find the need to share it in the form of nurturing our relationships, building new ones and by selflessly sharing our recovery, our time and our resources with others in need. Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction. We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease. Steps 8 and 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction. We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding.

What Do You Say When Making Amends? – The Step 9 Amends Letter

To the best of my abilities, I have calculated the total amount of money that I stole from you so that I can pay you back. Here is $200, and if I’m incorrect and owe you more, I will repay the remainder. That is, you can’t push it to the side or avoid it because of embarrassment. The problem is there, and that person is in front of you right now. Pets have always been a big part of Ms. Duvall’s life and she currently has three parrots, a few cats and a geriatric mutt called Puppy.

‘Hello, I’m Shelley Duvall’

• Being specific also makes the amends that you offer more achievable.
• The 12-step program instills honesty and integrity in members.
• By tackling step nine, recovering alcoholics can be freed from their past, including addiction.
• It’s also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse.
• But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose.
• For example, let’s say a mother didn’t make an effort to escort her children to the school bus stop.

There is nothing quite like experiencing increased humility while making amends in your Ninth Step and recognizing the self-empowerment and self-love that comes with it. You’ve probably already discovered that by staying clean and sober and by working the Twelve Steps of AA that things are getting better. Becoming a ”better person” means that we are less willing to engage in destructive behaviors, mostly because we are aware of how much they cost us in human misery. That self-centeredness is replaced by an awareness of other people, and instead of being indifferent, we begin to care. My experience has been that the cards create curiosity and that sometimes causes these people to talk to each other and they find out that you are trying hard to mend your ways and it tends to disarm them.

Therefore some Step Nine amends may take a little creativity and patience. Working this stepshould never lead to the further harm of others. Our sponsors can help us explore each of these concepts so that we gain perspective on the nature of our specific amends and stay focused on what we’re supposed to be doing. The key is that we keep the focus on ourselves and our “side of the street,” so to speak. Rushing into an amend that could bring hardship to our unsuspecting family, or to other third parties, is another mistake that people sometimes make. In Step Nine in the 12×12 it says that “WE cannot, for example, unload a detailed account of extramarital adventuring upon the shoulders of our unsuspecting wife or husband”.

How Zach and Tori Roloff Said Farewell to Little People, Big World After 25 Seasons

When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles. Another example would be of a person who’s been a taker all their lives suddenly decides they no longer want to be self-centered and selfish. They may choose to make living amends by promising to change their ways and become more helpful to others.

Are There Times When Direct Amends Are Not Advisable?

When you’re looking to change both your behavior and your broken relationships, stop making excuses to fulfill your promises. Soon, you’ll run out of reasons to give your loved ones why you’ve failed them once again. Apologies can only go so far in repairing past pain, but it’s a place where you need to begin to heal. Make a list of everyone you’ve made promises to that you didn’t fulfill, the people you’ve lied to, stolen from, or hurt in any way because of who you used to be, and apologize sincerely. When you make a real effort to change your past behaviors, you need to make the initial move in repairing broken relationships.

The Ninth Step: When To Do So Would Cause Harm

• In fact we usually discover that what we first thought was the obvious method of making amends, might not be right after all.
• Whatever the situation, there are a few ways to get started in the process of repairing wrongs with the people you most care about.
• I hope these ideas will help you to understand, that most amends can be made in a positive way and the results are so much better than we ever could have expected.
• « I’m always hopeful that Zach and Tori will bring the kids around and if not, the kids will be coming around later in life, » he sighed.

Each day I ask my Higher Power for the strength to help me stay sober and live responsibly and with honesty. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but if not, I understand. It can be tempting to say things like “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you,” but try to avoid these blanket statements. They miss the opportunity to be truly reflective about how your wrongdoings have impacted the other person and can be misread. The other person may hear the same statement as exasperation with them or a minimizing of the ways you’ve hurt them. Instead, try to reference specific times when you hurt the other person and/or let them down.

When Should You Approach a Person to Make Amends?

This can mean restoring our reputations, and even restoring trust in a relationship. Step Nine is that biggie step, the one we likely have created some anxiety over because it involves making amends. You can help people who are affected by alcoholism by making a donation to the Cleveland District Office. Contact Real Recovery today to pursue a defined path toward freedom. Prove to those who love you that you are a person of your word, and they can rely on you when things get tough. How do you prove your worth to others after so many failed chances?

Successfully approaching and accomplishing step nine requires the alcoholic in recovery to be willing to go to any lengths to make amends to those individuals whom they have harmed in the past. Apologizing is difficult for many people, and taking responsibility for your actions can be painful as it may remind you of the harm you have caused. However, this provides you with hope and inspiration to become and remain a better person in all future endeavors.